Friday, March 24, 2006
Operation Fescue
[Ed. note: the following excerpt is from Karena's Blog. We liked it.]
Dear Lord Almighty, bless the nit wits, for they have been fruitful and multiplied, but they may cast just enough votes in 2006 to make Bush believe we support his invasion of Iran and this would not be good. So give the nit wits an extra ounce of courage on voting day to stay home and eat Cheetos on the sofa. Perhaps coupons for Cheetos and half-priced Hostess Cup Cakes will keep them appeased and at home on voting day.
If the nit wits get scared about gays on voting day, they may just go out and vote for some Republicans, so keep all images of gays doing anything, especially getting married, to a minimum. Do not let the Hollywood liberals air Brokeback Mountain on network TV before the elections. Gay sightings incite the nit wits, so please, Almighty God, please, do not let them see anything remotely gay, even Karl Rove or Scott McClellan, on television in the coming months. Amen
March 22, 2006 Permalink
Comments
I wonder if W is saving up his trump performance for an October surprise: hopping on one leg from a megachurch alcove to the altar in a sort of three-legged race with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, proving once and for all who's really hearing extraterrestrial voices.
Posted by: spartacus March 22, 2006 at 07:38 PM
Spartacus, what we need right now is for you to join in the Nit Wit Prayer. Our analysis has been fruitless, so me must resort to what has been proven to work. Bless you and spread the good word to your good friends so we can defeat the Nit Wits in '06.
Posted by: karena March 22, 2006 at 10:41 PM
So this is a kind of pecksniff prevention prayer breakfast?
Posted by: spartacus March 23, 2006 at 12:46 AM
I guess, although I have never really heard of a pecksniff prevention prayer breakfast. Please povide details!
Posted by: karena March 23, 2006 at 09:18 AM
It may seem paradoxical, but the primer on prurient Pecksniffians--although originating with Charles Dickens--was most fully developed by my illustrious colleague Rufus T. Firefly. Needless to say, we seem to have been irrevocably put upon the path to pummeling these palavering Puritans, through prayer and other more terrestrial devices. Breakfast merely rounds out the more social possibilities of such a noble undertaking. Since Jay Ward is no longer available for the invocation, I thought perhaps we might induce the host of the Today Show to stand in.
Posted by: spartacus March 23, 2006 at 01:28 PM
Spartacus, I am having trouble with the host of the Today Show ever since Laura Ingraham, famed author of Shut up and Sing, pointed out earlier this week that she had been to Iraq but Matt Lauer of the Today Show had not. She has irrevocably spoiled the image of Matt Lauer and Katie Couric, so we may have to look towards Regis and his new side kick. That Dr. Phil may be able to help too.
I will get the pancake batter prepared for this affair and let you know when the first Nit Wit Prayer Pecksniffin Breakfast is scheduled.
Posted by: Karena March 23, 2006 at 02:41 PM
Woops. I meant the Daily Show. Better toss some vitamin B complex in that batter.
Posted by: spartacus March 23, 2006 at 03:47 PM
Spartacus, Vitamin B is only part of the complex I plan to throw into that batter! We need all the fortification and inspiration we can get. Gotta run and do some herb researching!
Posted by: Karena March 23, 2006 at 04:34 PM
sick humor is better than hate humor. Get a life.
Posted by: Mombugjoan March 24, 2006 at 04:08 PM
Maybe Mombug has a point: when we recover from our festive frolick, the Pecksniffians will still be nit wits.
Posted by: spartacus March 24, 2006 at 05:10 PM
Well, Spartacus, our efforts may be futile, but they are not hate-based, so I must respectfully disagree with Mombug. As a matter of fact, I do not see one hateful thing I said about the nit wits. Plus, we are sacrificing our valuable time to pray for them, so I'm not sure why Mombug is so against us. I have a life, but am devoting it to others. Where is the harm?
Posted by: Karena March 24, 2006 at 05:30 PM
You're right Karena. If we're ever gonna get our hands on some of that juicy faith-based funding, I guess we gotta have faith. Maybe after our Pecksniff Prevention Prayer Breakfasts catch on, we can do some nit wit interventions. We could call it Operation Fescue.
Posted by: spartacus March 24, 2006 at 05:53 PM
Dear Lord Almighty, bless the nit wits, for they have been fruitful and multiplied, but they may cast just enough votes in 2006 to make Bush believe we support his invasion of Iran and this would not be good. So give the nit wits an extra ounce of courage on voting day to stay home and eat Cheetos on the sofa. Perhaps coupons for Cheetos and half-priced Hostess Cup Cakes will keep them appeased and at home on voting day.
If the nit wits get scared about gays on voting day, they may just go out and vote for some Republicans, so keep all images of gays doing anything, especially getting married, to a minimum. Do not let the Hollywood liberals air Brokeback Mountain on network TV before the elections. Gay sightings incite the nit wits, so please, Almighty God, please, do not let them see anything remotely gay, even Karl Rove or Scott McClellan, on television in the coming months. Amen
March 22, 2006 Permalink
Comments
I wonder if W is saving up his trump performance for an October surprise: hopping on one leg from a megachurch alcove to the altar in a sort of three-legged race with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, proving once and for all who's really hearing extraterrestrial voices.
Posted by: spartacus March 22, 2006 at 07:38 PM
Spartacus, what we need right now is for you to join in the Nit Wit Prayer. Our analysis has been fruitless, so me must resort to what has been proven to work. Bless you and spread the good word to your good friends so we can defeat the Nit Wits in '06.
Posted by: karena March 22, 2006 at 10:41 PM
So this is a kind of pecksniff prevention prayer breakfast?
Posted by: spartacus March 23, 2006 at 12:46 AM
I guess, although I have never really heard of a pecksniff prevention prayer breakfast. Please povide details!
Posted by: karena March 23, 2006 at 09:18 AM
It may seem paradoxical, but the primer on prurient Pecksniffians--although originating with Charles Dickens--was most fully developed by my illustrious colleague Rufus T. Firefly. Needless to say, we seem to have been irrevocably put upon the path to pummeling these palavering Puritans, through prayer and other more terrestrial devices. Breakfast merely rounds out the more social possibilities of such a noble undertaking. Since Jay Ward is no longer available for the invocation, I thought perhaps we might induce the host of the Today Show to stand in.
Posted by: spartacus March 23, 2006 at 01:28 PM
Spartacus, I am having trouble with the host of the Today Show ever since Laura Ingraham, famed author of Shut up and Sing, pointed out earlier this week that she had been to Iraq but Matt Lauer of the Today Show had not. She has irrevocably spoiled the image of Matt Lauer and Katie Couric, so we may have to look towards Regis and his new side kick. That Dr. Phil may be able to help too.
I will get the pancake batter prepared for this affair and let you know when the first Nit Wit Prayer Pecksniffin Breakfast is scheduled.
Posted by: Karena March 23, 2006 at 02:41 PM
Woops. I meant the Daily Show. Better toss some vitamin B complex in that batter.
Posted by: spartacus March 23, 2006 at 03:47 PM
Spartacus, Vitamin B is only part of the complex I plan to throw into that batter! We need all the fortification and inspiration we can get. Gotta run and do some herb researching!
Posted by: Karena March 23, 2006 at 04:34 PM
sick humor is better than hate humor. Get a life.
Posted by: Mombugjoan March 24, 2006 at 04:08 PM
Maybe Mombug has a point: when we recover from our festive frolick, the Pecksniffians will still be nit wits.
Posted by: spartacus March 24, 2006 at 05:10 PM
Well, Spartacus, our efforts may be futile, but they are not hate-based, so I must respectfully disagree with Mombug. As a matter of fact, I do not see one hateful thing I said about the nit wits. Plus, we are sacrificing our valuable time to pray for them, so I'm not sure why Mombug is so against us. I have a life, but am devoting it to others. Where is the harm?
Posted by: Karena March 24, 2006 at 05:30 PM
You're right Karena. If we're ever gonna get our hands on some of that juicy faith-based funding, I guess we gotta have faith. Maybe after our Pecksniff Prevention Prayer Breakfasts catch on, we can do some nit wit interventions. We could call it Operation Fescue.
Posted by: spartacus March 24, 2006 at 05:53 PM
